Parenting in a Broken System: How to Support Your Child and Yourself
Parenting today can feel overwhelming. Between school emails, therapy appointments, and endless advice on how to “do it right,” it’s easy to feel like you’re constantly reacting instead of guiding. If your child is struggling, or you simply feel lost navigating health and education systems, you are not alone.
The Systems Are Broken (and Parents Feel It)
For 15 years, I’ve worked with healthcare organizations, nonprofits, and early childhood systems. In the last five years, I’ve focused on education and mental/behavioral health systems for families in Washington State. The more I’ve seen, the more I’ve realized: these systems are complicated, rigid, and often fail to truly help families thrive.
When your child is struggling mentally or behaviorally, whether they’ve received a clinical diagnosis, are awaiting evaluation, or simply aren’t thriving, the process of finding the right supports can feel like a maze.
Parents often ask:
Where do I start?
What supports are even available?
How do I know what’s a good fit for my child?
Parents and families are often left to figure out complex health care and mental health systems on their own, and it’s exhausting.
Why Parenting Feels So Hard Today
Children grow up in the environments we create. As parents, caregivers, and educators, we shape the context, values, and norms of their world.
Our generation is trying to parent differently: to be present, empathetic, and aware of emotional needs. But we are also living in an era of information overload, which can leave us feeling anxious and reactive.
Modern parenting challenges:
We react to negative behaviors more than we connect with positive ones.
We often trust others’ opinions (teachers, therapists, online advice) more than our own instincts.
We send kids to therapy or specialists but rarely get guidance for our own parenting approach.
“If our parents’ generation was neglectful and insensitive, ours risks becoming anxious and reactive.”
Reframing Parenting: Build Your Family’s North Star
Instead of chasing perfection or short-term results, focus on the journey of raising children who are resilient, adaptable, and able to pursue their passions.
Your family’s North Star is a set of values and skills you hope to pass on. Examples include:
Communicating emotions effectively
Overcoming challenges and trying again after failure
Experiencing joy, curiosity, and passion
Feeling safe, accepted, and belonging for their whole selves
Empathizing, cooperating, and contributing to others’ lives
Family Activity:
Identify your family values. Ask your child what they think your family values are. Talk to your partner / co-parent about it. You may find that it’s hard to narrow it done to just a few, but try to identify your top three. Check in on these and see if they are your true “North Star.” This simple exercise creates clarity, connection, and alignment.
Root Causes vs. Symptoms: What Behaviors Are Really Telling You
Many children’s challenging behaviors, such as meltdowns, withdrawal, inflexibility, or difficulty following directions, are symptoms, not the problem itself.
When you see:
Tantrums, meltdowns, or high sensitivity
Avoidance, disengagement, or social struggles
Black-and-white thinking or resistance to change
These behaviors are often reactions to stress, unmet needs, or environmental mismatches, not “bad behavior.”
“Focus less on fixing behaviors and more on understanding what your child is trying to communicate.”
Parent tip: Professionals can guide you, but you are the ultimate expert on your child. Curiosity and connection matter more than perfection.
Navigating Health and Education Systems Without Burning Out
Even with the best intentions, navigating supports and finding resources for your child can feel overwhelming. Between research, therapies, evaluations, and school communication, there’s simply too much information.
Here’s how to make it manageable:
Understand your child’s developmental needs and where they are thriving or struggling.
Layer in your family’s values to guide decisions and advocacy.
Translate expert recommendations into daily life in a way that works for your family.
“Parenting is not just about solving problems. It’s about creating an environment where your child can thrive.”
Final Thoughts
Raising children in today’s world is hard, but it’s also an opportunity to be intentional. By stepping back, defining your family’s values, and focusing on root causes instead of symptoms, you can create a home and school environment where your child feels supported, understood, and free to thrive.